Please forgive me if I...

Please forgive me if I….
…stare.
…take food from your plate to eat.
…drink or eat out of serving bowls.
…share your glass without permission.
…eat with my mouth open.
…click my tongue at you in disappointment, horror, disapproval, empathy or simply to say no.
…touch your clothing without your permission.
…ask how much you paid for an item.
…ask how much money you make.
…ask about your marital status and number of offspring before I know your name.
…ask how much you weigh, or comment on the fact that you have lost or gained weight.
…shake your hand each time I see you.
…begin eating dinner before everyone is present.
…constantly tell you to eat more and that you aren’t actually full.
… tell you without prompting how much I paid for an item.
…pick my teeth with a folded candy wrapper or safety pin.
…pick my nose in public.
…don’t shower more than once a week.
…wear the same clothes all week.
…snot rocket on your shoe.
…listen to music on my cell phone without ear phones.
…show up at your house without an invitation and expect you to feed me.
…repeat what you say to the person sitting next to me.
…shake my head in disapproval.
…say wah, mah, or bah (in any context).
…call you an animal.
…drop call you (call and hang up before you pick up the phone so you have to call me back).
…try and convince you to lower the price of an item by 10 or 20 cents.
…and when you don’t lower the price walk away in disgust.
…or…
…do anything else totally out of the ordinary, please chalk it up to the fact that I’ve been living in Turkmenistan for the past 25 months.