Views from Kelsey's medical office

The two pictures above are of my office at work. The left is from sitting at my desk and the right is from my door. I have a large room and I’m really glad that I do!

This is from the window directly behind my desk chair. The front lawn/garden is really pretty and will probably be even more so when summer/spring hit!


The picture on the right is looking out my other window which you can see in the top right picture. The house beyond the gate is my house. I live that close to the clinic!

The Stare of Nonunderstanding

I’ve been at my permanent site in Lebap, Turkmenistan for exactly two weeks (as of when I’m writing this – probably closer to three by the time it is posted). I am getting adjusted to my family, co-workers, and community as they are slowly getting adjusted to me. I’ve noticed something that seems to be universal and I’ve named it “the stare of non-understanding” or, more simply, “the Stare”. The Stare occurs anytime there is a misunderstanding. I see the Stare most often when it comes to issues in language and translation. I am equally guilty of gawking at other people with the Stare as I am of giving it myself. It is a facial expression that involves the mouth slightly gaping, with the corners of your mouth turned down, one eyebrow (in my case the left) is slightly cocked, the other is slightly depressed giving the face a slanted appearance. There are equal parts, confusion, compassion, and hysteria in the eyes and occasionally an entire conversation can happen where both members are exhibiting the Stare. The hardest thing about the stare is that I can usually relieve others with the stare but usually when I am afflicted the conversation simply ends, or I wear the stare so long that I fear it may become a permanent fixture.
I have been working hard at my Turkmen even after training is over with. I’ve found myself a teacher and we will begin after New Year’s working on my Turkmen. I have been working in a book called “Colloquial Turkmen” that was given to us by Peace Corps. It is essentially a grammar workbook that anyone who has taken foreign languages would recognize. I will also occasionally take out my vocab words, and I carry my Turkmen-English, English-Turkmen dictionary with me nearly everywhere I go.

Not always bright shiny stars.

Well, it happened, my first bout of true loneliness. I have been emotionally thriving in beautiful Turkmenistan, but today November 18th I am feeling the pains of loneliness. I wrote two letters – one to each set of grandparents. I realized that they would probably be receiving them around Christmas which of course began my thoughts toward one of my favorite times of the year. And even though it is over a month away I am missing my family like today is Christmas. Training has been incredibly easy as I am constantly surrounded by fellow Americans but the thought of Christmas has been constantly in the back of my mind. This holiday that, for me, is so focused on family. I have never experienced Christmas without my parents and sister. This will be the first time that happens and I am dreading the day like a plague or more accurately like passing a worm (which I’m also fairly sure will happen sometime in the next two years). Even though I am constantly experiencing new things and am always excited about my language acquisition and each new experience I am not invincible and quite prone to sadness.
It is a month later, Christmas Eve day to be precise and I have had several of these loneliness bouts and at first was very hesitant to share them with everyone reading my blog for several reasons. 1. I didn’t want to burden all of you with my very personal concerns. 2. I knew loneliness would be a part of my life here and will continue to be over the next several years. 3. I am by no means alone with this feeling. 4. It comes and goes and at worst makes me cry. I decided to share the above note and what I’ve written below because it is a part of my experience and for those of you looking to have this experience through me need to know that this is part of my reality. I also feel it is important when a person is feeling out of sorts to share those feelings and by writing them down I am in a way sharing them.
Today is Christmas Eve Day and, as anyone who knows me can attest, my favorite time of year is winter. This includes the ‘holiday’ season which in my opinion starts November 1st and ends January 15th or sometime after that. Some of the most important parts of this season are; being around my family and friends, sipping hot cocoa indoors after sledding, skiing, building a snowman, ice skating, or just walking out in the snow with my puppy. Every winter season I am overwhelmed with love to share with everyone I see, meet, and come into contact with. While I can and do share that love here in Turkmenistan, there is something significant missing. I’ve read the Christmas story several times, I’ve been listening to Christmas carols since the day after Thanksgiving, I’ve even purchased/made a Christmas present to exchange at the Lebap Christmas party on Sunday. And still there is something missing. No one here understands what Christmas is, nor have they grown up with me waking up early every Christmas (or during my teenage years being woken up), going Christmas shopping with my sister, they don’t know the look I get on my face every time it snows or how much I love decorating for Christmas, they don’t know that I mandate mistletoe in my home/apartment/dorm, etc. They aren’t my family and I’ve only known them for the past few weeks therefore they are not yet good friends. It is very hard to be alone during a time of year that I associate unconditionally with family.
I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful winter season and that you fully savor and enjoy each of the small traditions you and your family have created. I know this evening I will be missing the pizza my family makes every year on Christmas Eve and I’ll miss singing Silent Night in church with all of the hundreds of candles burning everywhere around me.

My Turkmen New Year’s

My first Turkmen New Year’s began in a surprising location. I found myself at a holiday work party Monday night (before New Year’s) with 4 (out of 5)of the doctors at my clinic. I arrived to the director of health in my etrap (county) greeting me by name at the door, and entered the room to find around 150 or so other people. In many respects it was similar to one that many of us have attended in the past; there was food, music, decorations, presents and even some dancing.
Let’s begin with the room. The room was a large rectangualar room with a large stage occupying one entire end. In the center of the room was a Charlie Brown looking Christmas tree that was hovering around 25 feet tall. It was covered in tinsel and neon, metallic colored garland in an effort, I believe, to cover the sparseness of the boughs. The tree had a very homey feel. Two of the walls were covered in color penciled drawings of Santa Clause, a very young looking Mrs. Clause, some animals frolicking in the snow and welcoming the new year of 2009 with their words and happy expressions. The final wall had what I would consider to be the head table that I’m assuming had the head health administrators for our region. I was seated on the opposite side of the room, right in front of the stage.
The food was very untraditional for a Turkmen Toý in that each individual hospital brought their own food. It was very potluck feeling, however there wasn’t much sharing happening. My clinic brought manty (meat filled steamed dough packets), çorba (soup) that had an inch of ýag (oil) floating on the top. By the end of the evening it had gelled into a solid that my spoon was sitting on top of, therefore, I was able to get a fairly accurate approximation of the amount. In addition to these main courses we had all of the traditional party foods: several small bowls filled with peanuts, several apples, oranges/tangarines, sweets, cookies, tea, and of course one bottle of vodka. I have only begun to have experiences with drinking with Turkmen and because I am a woman I hear it is not nearly as intense. At this dinner I had three shots of vodka in 15 minutes and a half a glass of really bad wine and then we were done.
The evening began with the eating, then progressed to the entertainment and finally to dancing. The entertainment was defiantly entertaining. Throughout the entire evening there was Turkmen music performed by a live Turkmen folk group which I, unfortunately, was unable to really watch because my back was to the stage. Periodically we watched two guys who I understood to be a comedy group. They were really great, especially when I could understand what was happening. In fact, I think the best part of the evening was when they performed essentially a lip sync song that had been edited to have several different songs come in and out. The entertainment came in that they were supposedly ‘playing’ the music on the piano and ‘singing’ the music and when the song changed they freaked out and eventually ended up throwing the keyboard on the ground which of course made it fall into several pieces. I also saw them perform the first Turkmen drag I’ve seen. Then there were several word comedies that I didn’t understand. We also had a group of young people dressed in really shabby clothing with masks on. I think they were all girls but were dressed as two girls and two guys. They were each wearing masks. Three of the masks were cloth and painted and the fourth looked like it was right out of the Halloween bin at Goodwill. They begged for food by dancing and entertaining people. It was really confusing and I really didn’t understand what they were doing or why. My best guess is that they were paid (or perhaps children of some of the doctors) and they were supposed to represent the old year in some way. Perhaps the passing of the old year. Any other insight on that feel free to email me. I asked about it but didn’t get an answer that I really understood. The final entertainment aspect was ayaz baba (santa clause) and garpamyle (snow maiden). Santa wasn’t wearing red but rather blue and white. He greeted everyone then sang a few songs, one of which reminded me of a Christmas carol, and then he and the snow maiden danced with us. The dancing was …. well it consisted of nearly two thirds of the people standing up forming small concentric circles and walking around in a circle stepping in time to the music and waving their hands into circles. It was different from previous Turkmen dancing that I’ve done in that it was co-ed. I actually danced with several old men (including santa) and it is much more interactive. The men have some sort of signal and then if he is looking at you you both go into the circle do this greeting dance step in the middle and then switch sides of the circle. I’m not entirely sure if I figured it out but everyone seemed to think it was great that the weird person was dancing. I didn’t look too out of place because I was wearing my toý koýnek (party dress) but I still wasn’t wearing a head scarf, I’m fairly light skinned, and I wasn’t wearing the traditional Turkmen coat (don) but instead my fleece and a huge bulky scarf. The dancing was a lot of fun and I really began to connect with my co-workers in hopefully a way that will help me to be able to do some good work over the next several years.
The final part of the evening was announcing all of the head doctors at each of the clinics. Presents were given to each of these people as well as several other positions high up in the etrap health system. I noticed as all of the presents were being given out that they were very untypical for what I would normally give a person in the states for something like a holiday party or even for a raise at a job or a congradulations for a new position. Each of the head doctors were given a gift package that included a plate, 4 cups, and a teapot. The lower of the ‘higher up’ positions were given fancy glass serving dishes and the two really fancy exciting positions were given refrigerators. All of which were household items. I really enjoyed noting this difference in cultures. I have stopped trying to figure out why things are done and try more to simply accept that the difference exists and then putting together all of the differences I see and then trying to figure out what lies behind those differences. For example; in Türkmenistan people are extremely hospitable, I believe this is because Turkmen used to be a nomadic culture and therefore one community is really just a large family. Because of that guesting (yes I know that isn’t a word but for me as a PCV in T-stan it is) and visiting is expected and therefore having extra dishes, serving dishes and refrigerators would be a very good thing to have. In America we are very individual. You cannot simply show up at someone’s house. It would be considered rude. If you want to visit someone you have to give them a several day to several month advance notice (depending on how far away you live). If someone comes to visit in the states it would be normal to offer them something to drink, but normally you would not spend time to cook them an entire meal complete with salad, several appetizers, desert, and then sit and talk with your guest for the next three hours. You would ask them very quickly why they were there and what they wanted. There are many differences between where I am and where you are and I am constantly learning about them. Something new each and every day.

The second part of my New Year’s celebration occurred on New Year’s Eve with my family. Something you may not know about my Turkmen family is that I have 12 brothers and sisters. Only one of whom still lives at home. Throughout the evening we had four maybe five of my siblings stop by with their spouses or grandchildren so it was a very festive family feeling. The first thing I noticed was several days before New Year’s we had a Christmas tree decorated outside of our house that was tied to the ceiling by thick wire (rather than placed in a tree holder). It was covered in tinsel and neon, metallic garland just like the tree at the party. It was so beautiful I took a picture. Because the celebration was at my house we spent all day getting ready. I baked those peanut buttery cookies that you put hershey’s kisses or those chocolate stars into the middle of. I chose to put half pieces of mini reeces peanut butter cups. They were fantastic and went over huge with the Turkmen! I’ve baked probably four times since I’ve arrived here and those were by far the best received, which is really entertaining because there is no peanut butter here, a fact which I am having a really hard time reconciling. I also put out plates of peanuts and several containers of homemade, canned juice – one tomato and the other apricot. I helped my sister-in-law bake a Turkmen cake (torte). And after all our preparations we placed everything out onto the large table we had set. One of the awesome aspects of floor dining is that the table can be whatever size you need it to be! We sat down in the living room with the tv blazing Russian New Year’s entertainment which was almost like the New Year’s Eve countdowns from home. Then the soup was served and my father opened up the vodka. He poured shots around for everyone and gave a toast. Three minutes later it was one of my sister’s turns to toast. Another shot. Five minutes pass and my mother has her turn for a toast. Another shot. Two more minutes and it is my turn. They tell me to do the toast in English (one of my nephew’s down from Ashgabat translates for my family) and I end the toast with Happy New Year’s (in Turkmen). One more shot. The bottle is finally empty and I figure I’m safe. I continue to eat my soup and all of the other foods accompanying dinner, then I pull out my camera and start to take pictures of my family members which naturally leads to a family portrait which I gladly take. Then we sit for a while and the alcohol that I drank in ten minutes is finally hitting my blood when my sister-in-law’s father shows up and my father opens up another bottle of vodka. I must say, however, that I was never pressured to drink the alcohol. I was always poured a shot and even one of my sisters would only sip at it each time a toast occurred. The boys went outside and began to light firecrackers and run around the neighborhood setting them off and generally scaring people like me. I had planned to stay up with my family until they went to bed, assuming they would stay up till midnight, but the alcohol, all of the Turkmen (and Russian tv), as well as my ever pervading stomach ache and muscle aches only allowed me to make it until 10:45 at which point I turned in, laid out my bed on the ground and settled in to (hopefully) sleep through the night. I was woken up at 12:30 by firecrackers outside my window as well as yelling. Then again at 2 by similar sounds and again several more times but those were because I’ve been having trouble sleeping not due to New Year’s festivities.

The final exciting part of the holiday is that I get days off work. So I can spend time with my family and watch a lot of dvd’s and read a lot of books. Originally I was told I got the 1st off. So, I showed up to work on the 31st and the nurse whose office is across from mine told me to come and talk with her so I did. When the talking was winding down an hour later I told her I was going to go do some work and she told me we weren’t doing any work that day. So when we all went home for lunch they told me not to come back. I then clarified that I was supposed to be back on the 2nd for work. I was informed that the 2nd was a holiday and that we were going to work on the 3rd as a normal work day and that the 4th (Sunday) was a makeup day for the 2nd. It was all very confusing but I did get several days off of work and had a chance to relax and enjoy myself and spend some time with my family.

Pickles and Leaving Herrikgala

Pickles, Pickled and more!
I enjoy a good pickle as much as the next person, in fact when I was little I loved pickles so much I screamed for a good 20 minutes until I received said pickle. (The tantrum may have had more to do with the fact that my mom didn’t understand what I wanted rather than unwillingness to provide me with a pickle. I called ‘pickles’ ‘buckles’ which caused much confusion) In Türkmenistan there is an abundance of pickles and for that matter pickled substances. I am sure most of you have had pickled cucumbers and many people may have experienced pickled cabbage (more commonly referred to as sour kraut). But have you had the pleasure of pickled tomatoes? This is a treat in which one doesn’t eat the outside skin and instead bites a small hole at one end and sucks or slurps the pickled inside guts of the tomato out of. What about pickled eggplant stuffed with strange spices? Again you don’t generally eat the skin of the eggplant and I personally avoid the filling as it tastes like eating a strange concoction of spices from the container. But the inside guts of the eggplant do provide a nice treat. Have you had the pleasure of munching on pickled carrots? Here we enjoy it as a side salad for many meals. What about pickled garlic? This one is totally exciting! The pungent garlic taste has disappeared leaving you with a mellow hint of garlic and all the pleasures of toxic breath for the remainder of the day. I have also had the pleasure of eating pickled peppers (both green and hot).
Regardless of how much I enjoy all of the above on occasion there is one pickled treat I cannot seem to get enough of: pickled heat (this name is entirely my own creation made up on the spot and is in no way representative of the actual name of this treat). This side salad/condiment consists of carrots, tomatoes, garlic, onion, and red peppers that are medium spice. This is made into some sort of a mush and then pickled. It is absolutely amazing!
So, the moral of the story is that although I can’t seem to eat a whole lot of most Turkmen foods I am consuming a lot of pickled foods and hopefully I will learn how to pickle and could bring back a sweet hobby when I return to the states!
Last night in Herrikgala…
I don’t have too many thoughts on my last evening in Herrikgala (technically my second to last day of training). I am mostly really excited to get to site and to get through all of the goodbyes that I have ahead of me. I have given my gifts and said a lot of my goodbyes but I will probably be seeing a lot of the people (host family members and training counterparts) I’ve already said goodbye to on Friday for our swearing in. And then I’ll have to say goodbye to my fellow trainees in Herrikgala. It has been a series of ups and downs and the five other people in my village have been instrumental in my survival from day to day.
Once I arrive at site we will have a 3 or 4 day holiday. I’m still trying to figure out what the holiday is and why we have it but I have heard it involves swinging in these super dangerous swings to symbolically shake off the bad…I think. I have a koýnek (Turkmen dress) waiting for me. Which will be exciting, I just hope that it isn’t too ugly…there are many koýneks that are rather unfortunate looking. On the other hand there are a lot of koýneks that are beautiful! We will see which mine is. If I like the seamstress I’ll have her make another one for me out of the fabric I already have. She could also put darts in the other koýnek I got for free from the Peace Corps Office from some other volunteer who was leaving.

Thanksgiving, and Language Mishaps

It is Black Friday in Türkmenistan and I didn’t think about shopping once, unless you consider the food we are going to buy tomorrow for the celebration we will have on Monday to thank all of our counterparts. (Kärdiş Toý) A few stories/experiences to share with you all are listed below. As always thanks for all of your support! Keep sending me letters! I will also hopefully have a cell phone soonish for anyone who might want to call! I will have free incoming calls and texts!
Thanksgiving – Turkmen Style
Thanksgiving in America – Macy’s Day Parade, Lots of food, Football
Thanksgiving in Turkmenistan – A classroom of children all singing Yesterday by the Beatles and Hound dog by Elvis. (If I can figure out how to post video on the blog I will!), Palow (rice, meat, carrots and onions) followed by an entire afternoon making a lot more food, and some more singing!
Thanksgiving menu: Baking powder biscuits (made with baking soda and vinegar), Mashed potatoes and gravy, Sweet potatoes with sugar (not brown sugar), Stuffed Chicken killed the previous night by Jessie’s family, A ton of stuffing (which we realized was actually very similar to Turkmen dograma – a dish I have not found a liking to), Pumpkin pudding (we used a pie recipe but didn’t have a crust and didn’t let it cook nearly long enough because we needed to cook the chicken, but it turned out really really good!).
We invited my host family to eat with us as well as our LCF (Language and Cultural Facilitator) named Soltan and the only thing the Turkmen actually seemed to enjoy was the pumpkin pudding. But we didn’t despair because each time we’ve made ‘American’ food Turkmen don’t really seem to eat much if any of it.
Language Misinterpretations 101
It is strange what a person dreams about while in new and unpredictable situations! This story begins with my good friend Jessie and I’m publishing this with much thanks to her for any embarrassment that may be a result of this publication. Jessie, similar to many of us (myself included) woke up before her alarm this morning. Instead of going back to sleep she began to daydream. The goal was a simple romantic dream in London. Instead she began to daydream about eating eggs for breakfast. Naturally, she shared her dream with each of us this morning as part of the morning ritual: How did you sleep? Are you gastro intestinally healthy? What did you dream about?
Several hours lapsed and we are at lunch. I was in a rather grumpy mood all day and when Sarah suggested we watch some Pride and Prejudice on her computer rather than the normal MTV in Russian I voted yes! We watched the entire second episode of the BBC version. It put me in a better mood and the girls in my group were talking with Soltan about the movie and Amy mentioned “Maña Mr. Darcy gerek” (I want/need Mr. Darcy). Sarah repeated the same statement and I followed suit. Jessie, however, commented, “Maña yurmurtgalar gerek” (I want/need eggs). Soltan began laughing hysterically and asked, “Really?!?!?!?!?” and continued to laugh. We all joined in and Jessie began to think if she said what she really thought she said. She then had a moment of clarity and realized the word yurmurtgalar sounded a lot like yurmurtgalich which means testicals. She clarified to Soltan and we all marked it up to another linguistic misunderstanding.
I can’t say I’ve had any misunderstandings quite that entertaining but I have absolutely messed up leaving and coming verbs. I’ve told my family and a bunch of community women that I have kids and am unmarried (this was because I thought I was asked if I liked kids to which I responded yes). I quickly clarified and their looks of shame changed. I’ve also found some fun verbs. For example :çykmak means: to exit, to climb, to seem, to appear (as in to appear that you are correct), to appear (materialize), to perform (i.e. a play), to take off (i.e. clothes), to come from, to deviate from, and finally it is also used after a gerund to indicate a completed action (like I am done cleaning my room – çykdym would go at the end of that sentence). Just imagine all of the complications this verb alone could cause!
In less than 1 week I will be an official Peace Corps Volunteer! I am very excited and daunted by that fact. During the swearing in ceremony two of my fellow trainees will be giving speeches in Turkmen. The group voted on Joshua and Nancy. Several groups of trainees will be presenting music in various forms. I’m hoping that our training group will be able to pull it off but we’re hoping to perform a traditional Turkman piece of music with dutar (Turkmen guitar with two strings) played by Joel and the lyrics sung by some portion of the rest of us. We shall see. I’ll keep you posted. Becoming a PCV is different from a Peace Corps Trainee in only a few ways. First, and most obviously I will no longer be in training. I will be alone in a village where the nearest American is a 30 minute Taxi ride to the south. I will be getting paid a real wage (although even in Turkmen standards we are paid subpar). We get 2.8 million manat .8 of which goes to our families. The average teacher gets paid 4ish million manat. We will also see how/if that changes when the economy is switched to the new currency system. I am not complaining, however. I will probably have to work fairly hard to spend that much money each month. I’ll probably be cooking for myself several dinners a week, getting a few more new dresses made, and traveling to the regional capital of Lebap several times a month. But other than that I just won’t have anything to spend money on.
I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving! Wishing you all a beautiful and joyful start to the holiday season! Send letters!!!

Guychbirleshek, Lebap

I have been to my permanent site and am extrordinarily excited! I didn't have my computer with so I haven't had a chance to write a thoughtful, thorough post. I'm sure I'll get one up eventually, or if not I sent a very detailed letter to my parents who can fill in the blanks.

We took an overnight train from Ashgabat to Lebap where we paused in the Capitol, Turkmenibat. It was large but I didn't actually get to get out of the train. We then traveled another several hours until we arrived in Halach - the etrap center (kind of like counties in the states). I am 15 - 25 minutes northwest of Halach in a small oba (village) called Guychbirleshek. My family was really nice and they are rather wealthy and have a large house. One of the main reasons I know they are wealthy is because my father has a second wife. There is a six month old baby at home and I have a 17 year old brother and a gelneje (sister-in-law) living at home. The clinic I'm working at is small with four doctors and four nurses. We didn't see any patients the entire time I was there. But everyone was very nice! My bedroom is small but has a bed (that creaks when I breathe) and a wardrobe type thing as well as a tv and a stereo sound system. I don't know if those will still be there when I arrive in December for the rest of my service. Overall I am very excited and can't wait to leave for permanent site in December. I am really in the middle of nowhere with the closest volunteer being 30 minutes away by taxi, but it is very exciting and I am the first volunteer at this site. Therefore I was constantly stared at everywhere I went! My gelneje took me to two toy's (parties for a wedding) and everyone kept staring at me. This was particularily exciting when they told me I had to dance. Turkmen dancing (for women) is basically walking in a circle to a beat waving your hands in a circular motion. I'll teach anyone who is interested when I arrive back home. Men have a much more fun time dancing as they get their entire bodies to do these crazy body moves. The thing I am most excited about is that in Halach people are much more liberal and open. Men and women talk, they are friends and men help in the house and with children. My future family is truly a family unit that openly cares for one another. It is going to be a very good few years!

That's all for now and I can't wait to hear from you all via email and letters!

Some updates about my permanent site:

So, I am going to Lebap vilayette. My village is Guichbirleshik and it is located in Halach Etrap (sort of like a county). I am leaving here in about 15 minutes. I will be meeting my host family that has a mother, father, two brothers (only one is at home often). The older brother is married and his wife and 6 month old child are at home. The younger brother is 17. I am very excited and should have time to update you all on what it is I encountered when I return (Wednesday morning here). I hope you are all looking forward to the update! I know I am!!!!!